http://advisorlilmel.blogdrive.com/ Random Ramblings Wed, 11 Jun 2008 07:40:00 PDT http://www.blogdrive.com Copyright 2008. Spirituality Relationships http://advisorlilmel.blogdrive.com/archive/82.html Wed, 11 Jun 2008 13:37:37 GMT Dear Readers, Often in our quest to find or maintain a relationship, we fall into the trap of being and doing things which aren't aligned with who we really are. What starts out as a small sacrifice can become a regular habit - giving in to please your mate. To be happy long term, all of us have to not only know ourselves well, but live and act in accordance with our authentic selves. I call this being "emotionally honest". It sounds easier than it is. We are all conditioned that in order to be happy, we have to be flexible and willing to compromise in a relationship. I was somewhere... (more) http://advisorlilmel.blogdrive.com/comments?id=82 http://advisorlilmel.blogdrive.com/archive/81.html Fri, 16 May 2008 13:08:48 GMT Dear Readers, So often when the relationship isn’t going so great, sex is suddenly under the spotlight. At that point, sex becomes something to throw at each other, and that’s dangerous territory. We can do great harm to each other when we use sex as a weapon. So, back to where we started. What to do about it. Firstly, see it in a wider context. What else is going on? If sex is an issue, where are things at? You can’t deal to the sex issues without dealing with everything else. One must keep in mind, sex is the end result. What can you do to ‘fix’ the intimacy, the closeness and caring... (more) http://advisorlilmel.blogdrive.com/comments?id=81 http://advisorlilmel.blogdrive.com/archive/80.html Thu, 15 May 2008 16:05:44 GMT Dear Readers, So often, during a session, clients bring up the subject of sex…or lack thereof. Honestly, more and more couples complain about lack of sex in the relationship than anything else. I guess that's no surprise. It's one of the first things to suffer when things aren't going well. Even though it’s a common problem, there’s no easy all purpose answer. Intimate relationships are complicated things, but there are some fundamental truths that apply. Firstly, sex is the result of intimacy – it isn’t intimacy per se. A woman I know used to joke that her husband getting the washing in... (more) http://advisorlilmel.blogdrive.com/comments?id=80 http://advisorlilmel.blogdrive.com/archive/79.html Wed, 14 May 2008 14:38:02 GMT Dear Readers, I recently received an email recently from a client I dealt with last year. It was great to hear from her. The nature of this profession is that I mostly talk to people when they are in crisis or when things aren’t going so well, and I often wonder how they are doing and what has happened in their life. I found this email inspirational. She had a tough time last year. Things had not turned out for him the way she had hoped. She was at the end of her 25 year marriage and things weren’t looking so great. She could have been angry, bitter and resentful at how things had... (more) http://advisorlilmel.blogdrive.com/comments?id=79 http://advisorlilmel.blogdrive.com/archive/78.html Tue, 13 May 2008 13:01:43 GMT Dear Readers, People often contact me and ask me whether I think they should leave their relationship. For a start, it isn’t up to me, it’s up to them. Of course in an ideal world, no one would ever leave their partner. It causes so much pain, upheaval and stress, and almost always affects the lives of many people, not just the couple concerned. In an ideal world, no one would need to leave because no one would want to leave. Sadly, that’s not the case. It happens that for a variety of reasons, people just can’t live together happily any more. I don’t believe people make these... (more) http://advisorlilmel.blogdrive.com/comments?id=78 http://advisorlilmel.blogdrive.com/archive/77.html Mon, 12 May 2008 12:16:11 GMT Dear Readers, A while back one of my single friend has recently started seeing someone she likes. They had been out on a few dates, spent some time talking on the phone and had a few steamy sessions getting to know one another on a more intimate level! I asked her what she wanted from here on, and if she had asked him what he wanted too. She was taken aback by that. She said it wasn’t something she had thought about, and didn’t think she should ask. She said it was early days yet – time for finding out later. Well I disagreed. I think early on is just the time to ask. In fact, if more... (more) http://advisorlilmel.blogdrive.com/comments?id=77 http://advisorlilmel.blogdrive.com/archive/76.html Sat, 10 May 2008 14:28:19 GMT Dear Readers, From time to time, I ask people I work with to tell me what they believe to be fundamental to happiness in their relationship. Almost always, effective communication is in there somewhere. I find that interesting. Sure, it’s important to talk to each other, to keep in touch with each other, but to me communication isn’t what’s vital in a relationship – connection is. You can be an extremely effective communicator and still have a lousy connection with your partner, and lousy connection is what kills relationships. For example, ‘she’ constantly communicates her... (more) http://advisorlilmel.blogdrive.com/comments?id=76 http://advisorlilmel.blogdrive.com/archive/75.html Fri, 09 May 2008 13:51:12 GMT Where in the priority queue is your relationship? If you are like most, you’ll say it’s your top priority. But is it really? Let’s face it, everyone gets a little complacent towards their partners after a while, and putting them first often gets sidelined in favor of the more mundane things in life. Here’s an example of that. Faced with the following, which would you choose? 1. Getting organized before your favorite show on TV. 2. Reading the kids a story 3. Sharing a drink and listening to how his/her day went. For most couples, it’s seldom number 3. Somehow that seems... (more) http://advisorlilmel.blogdrive.com/comments?id=75 http://advisorlilmel.blogdrive.com/archive/74.html Thu, 08 May 2008 12:49:26 GMT Often people who are suffering to want to lash out at the person they believe is responsible for their pain. Take this couple for example: (Not their real names) A former client, Mary Jane, found out that Cary was having an affair. The woman who told her about the affair also said it had been going on for some time. Cary didn't deny it when confronted later. At first she was devastated; however, within a short period of time the devastation manifested into pure rage. One night while he was asleep, she cut up all his clothes and put them in the trunk of his car. She then used a knife to... (more) http://advisorlilmel.blogdrive.com/comments?id=74 http://advisorlilmel.blogdrive.com/archive/73.html Wed, 07 May 2008 12:41:21 GMT Dear Readers, I once read an article stating that women between the ages of 35 to 50 had as much chance of finding a partner as an 90 year old did, due to the fact that single women outnumber single men considerably. What does such a statistic mean? Nothing. Unless of course you are interested in pairing up every single female with every single male. All such statistics do is cement the erroneous idea that it’s about numbers. It isn’t – it’s about attitude. Most likely the demographics are different where you live, but chances are the mindset will be the same – there just aren’t enough... 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